ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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