You made me cry and you don't even care
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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