i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
