we have pet lesbian snakes
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
