how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
