Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
