I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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