I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
