This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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