Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Randomize
