You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
