I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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