I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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