I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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