You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
