chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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