I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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