i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
