Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
