my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
