why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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