Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
