he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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