i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
