Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize