You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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