I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
