8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
