You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
