I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
there's paper in my vomit.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Come on in and take your pants off
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
