So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
