after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
