she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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