Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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