I want you more than these girls want KFC
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
