Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize