I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
