I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
