my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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