you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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