My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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