the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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