The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
