sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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