The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Randomize
