I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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