So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Can I color on your dick again?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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