Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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