is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
