If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
