I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
