I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
