just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
