I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
