I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
