When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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