bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
