Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
How's work?
Spinning.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
