He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
