I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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