my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
