Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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