So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
