So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
