I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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