Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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