I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
