i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
