i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
