let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
