New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
