Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
