I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think I just sharted jello shots
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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