If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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