Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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