Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
