you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
