the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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