I'm jealous of your bromance
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize