im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
