I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We left the knife in your bed.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
