Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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