i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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