I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
