At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize