You're my little dorito
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
