I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
