I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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