Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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