Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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