Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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